i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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