You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
