We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
