Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
