i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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