Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
