He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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