No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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