I feel like abortions should bother me more
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We need to get me chipped asap
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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