So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
