girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
