Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
