They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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