I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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