I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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