I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize