This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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