She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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