RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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