Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
