I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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