you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
