I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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