He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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