so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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