I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
