i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
