Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
