YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
now i know why i became what i already was.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize