I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
These tits shall not be calmed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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