The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
