well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
