Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
