oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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