shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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