I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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