Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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