New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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