I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
