Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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