I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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