he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
time to smoke my breakfast
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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