Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
