I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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