it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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