OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
