You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
