ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
