wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
