Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
