Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
