Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
