I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize