Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
