Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
