It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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