so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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