Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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