the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
