ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
