then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
