He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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