I got chris browned last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
