I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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