I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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