I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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