Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
