alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
