they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
