Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
