I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
