I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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