M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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