I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
