take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize