How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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