Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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