so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
