I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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