We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
