she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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