I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
