I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
