I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
