he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
