why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I met the friendliest cop last night
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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