Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
