I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
