why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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