No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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