What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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