I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
