why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
