He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
a search helicopter?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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