when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize