There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
