I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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