cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
