It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
