u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
