she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
