Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize