I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
