I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you would pick up someone in the library
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
