Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
