grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
