I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
