i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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