I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
