So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I could make wine with my vomit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
