so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
