I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
