I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
